a kipling quote to live by...

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools"

... oh, so true. And oh, so true for me. So, I'm devoting a great amount of time to studying anger. My own anger.

I read HaRav Amital shlita's essay on Humanity. People, no matter how righteous or how strong the leader, have a right to feel their feelings. Read the essay yourself if you want to know more. It's on the vbm website. http://vbm-torah.org/archive/values/17values.htm

I went to go see "The Upside of Anger" in the theater on Saturday night. I saw the kind of person anger can make one woman and enjoyed a great theatrical peformance. I remembered that this is not the kindof person I want to be or become.

I read Mitch Albom's book _The Five People You Meet in Heaven_ on Monday. I thought about his points, which were as follows: 1) a human is never alone and that time one soends thinking one is alone is the only time you waste while alive; 2) love, even lost love, is always with you and a part of you in your memories; 3) sacrifice is the root of hope and optimism -that rather than regretting sacrifices one has made, one should aspire to be able to hold those opportunities to inspire others; 4) Life's pain comes from hurt and anger. Be angry, feel the anger, know why you feel angry, then forgive and let go. Know that you never know the whole story and that anger can turn you into someone who you don't want to be; 5) You are always exactly where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing, because this is the way the world works.. a huge tapestry of people interconnected and interwoven in the most inane and subtle ways. These felt like a number of truths to me.

I read an article by Lauren Slater about life's futures. That today may suck, but tomorrow can never be predicted.

I looked at an interesting painting depicting a soldier's body lying dead in the foreground. The majority of the painting focused on a mortar ripping the ground and painting the sky with mud and fire, while the sun rose off to the side. The painting was ironically entitled "Bright Future." I thought about the movie "Adjusting Sights" and remembered how strikingly it touched me with how precious life is and how precious other people are to us.

I've learned in this weekend all sorts of things I always knew, but needed to remember just now at this precise moment... and so relearned.

Entr'acte

It seems fitting now to me that I've learned to build instruments in the course of my work. Unlike others who have the same title, I have learned how to cobble pieces of metal and bits of wire with "worn-out tools" --but I've also learned to cobble people, resources, and money together with my own self -a "worn-out tool" too. In finding my own worth as a graduate student, as an executive director, and as a dedicated volunteer, I have found that I know how good I am, but have always been afraid to tell others in cse I might draw jealousy or rage. Recently, I learned that in not confessing my own confidence that I've drawn to me a smothering influence which threatened to destroy me. As I learn the middle road now and learn to guard against the highwaymen, I find that this Kipling quote is a good model for life... and for that bright future. I've got to thank MIchael for introducing me to this quote. It's a good one to live by.

I cannot stop bad things from happening. I cannot deny the hurt and anger those events bring, but I can keep myself from becoming a bitter and twisted person. I *can* get back up and put my masterpieces back together again -even with the simple, old tools I have on hand.